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WINNING
OPENING SCENES (To try the quiz before reading the answers, click here.) When I came up with this contest, it was just to have some fun over the holidays, and do something a little different on the web site. My selection process was pretty random – mostly scripts I had in my office, or which were included in past issues of Scenario magazine. But in reading them over, I decided to discuss why these are examples of very successful screenwriting, and how they illustrate principles you can employ in your own scripts and opening scenes. Please scroll down to view my comments.
SCENE #1 THE TEN COMMANDMENTS Screenplay by Aeneas MacKenzie,
Jessie L. Lasky, Jr., EXT. SKY A strong ray pierces the light clouds. Through this, a voice begins to speak. NARRATOR'S VOICE This is obviously on-the-nose.
But I’m not about to critique God’s dialogue,
so I’ll just say it’s fantastic.
SHREK Screenplay by Ted Elliott, Terry
Rossio, Joe
INT. SOMEWHERE DARK
- DAY A stream of light cuts through the darkness illuminating a beautiful but worn book. The book opens, revealing a picture of lovely PRINCESS running over a field with a fairy-tale castle in the background. We hear the book being read aloud. VOICE (O.S) In a fairy tale that also
comments on fairy tales, this wonderful opening employs the four most
powerful words in all of literature: Once upon a time. As writers, it
reminds us that we are, above all else, storytellers, tapping into the
wonderful, mythical and magical childhood we all share through fiction.
LORD OF THE RINGS: FELLOWSHIP OF THE RING Screenplay by Frances Walsh,
Philippa Boyens, and
BLACK SCREEN … A WOMAN'S VOICE is whispering, tinged with SADNESS and REGRET: WOMAN'S VOICE
(V.O.) Notice that in all three of these scenes,
the speaker is unseen, and unidentified. Particularly in fantasies, fairy
tales and period pieces, such narration helps draw the audience and reader
out of their ordinary world, and into the magical world you’re creating.
These dialogue passages also creates a tone of mystery (Who is speaking?
Where are we?), pending adventure, and foreboding.
HIGH NOON Screenplay by Carl Foreman FADE IN:HIGH SHOT - EXT.
WESTERN GHOST TOWN - DAY BEHIND THE TITLES, we see CLOSER VIEWS of the long-dead town: skeleton houses and store-fronts, doorless doorways, empty and hollow-eyed windows, sagging timbers. There is no sign of human life, no movement. Once, however, the wind rolls and tosses a tumbleweed crazily along the remnants of the main street. Another time, a jackrabbit or a desert rat scampers out of what may once have been a saloon. And in what was once perhaps the pulpit of a church, we see, hanging askew, a large time -and weather- stained board bearing the Ten Commandments, now almost indecipherable. BACKGROUND for the FINAL CREDIT CARD is the first shot, the HIGH SHOT looking down into the town. DISSOLVE TO: HIGH SHOT - EXT.
HADLEYVILLE - DAY. From the same angle as before, we now look down into
Hadleyville as it was. It is Sunday, a little before eleven o'clock. The
street below is peaceful, quiet, hot, not too many people about but those
who are in view are in their Sunday best. They move slowly, torpidly,
feeling the heat of the high sun. OVER the SCENE, a distant church bell
tolls unhurriedly. As I’ve often said in previous articles and comments about opening scenes, many writers make the mistake of trying to “grab the reader” by rushing into action or even dialogue. But your first responsibility is to draw the reader into the setting of the scene, into the world you’ve created. Notice how detailed the description of Hadleyville is, and how every one of the details creates a vivid image in the readers’ minds.
But this scene does more – it establishes
a tone of loneliness, of being haunted by the past, of the passage of
time, of resignation, of faith (the church bell), of having to accept
one’s circumstances (the hot sun), and of death. This isn’t
just atmosphere; these are the themes the movie will explore as Will Kane
(Gary Cooper) must confront his fate.
GOSFORD PARK Screenplay by Julian Fellowes It is a grey day. MARY MACEACHRAN, a young Scottish lady's maid, watches a liveried chauffeur trying to start a green 1920's Daimler in front of a London house. The chauffeur, Merriman, climbs out with a crank handle, which he fits and turns. MERRIMAN MARY MERRIMAN MARY The motor catches and he stands. While the passenger seats are enclosed, the front driving seat is open to the weather. Mary places a basket with a thermos glass and a sealed, tin sandwich container on the rear seat. As she does so, it begins to rain. See how efficiently this opening tells
us all we need to know about the setting: the period; the locale; the
affluence; the class system. But as in HIGH NOON, these details also reveal
much about our hero Mary. She knows her place; she’s efficient; and
she’ll be subjected to inconsiderate treatment (the rain that will
eventually soak her). But even here we begin to see her understanding
of human nature, as she calls the chauffer on his empty threat of letting
their boss hear his comments.
A BEAUTIFUL MIND Screenplay by Akiva Goldsman FADE IN ON: A STAINED GLASS WINDOW - CLOSE. Sunlight illuminates a complex pattern of symbols and lines. PULL BACK TO REVEAL… EXT. -PRINCETON UNIVERSITY-PRESIDENT'S RECEPTION-1947 Students in formal dress mill. An uncommonly handsome man stands at the bar, gazing up at the window geometry. He glances down. The light refracting through his glass draws shifting angles of rainbow on the bar before him. As in GOSFORD PARK, and most screenplays,
the hero is the first character shown and described. This is what the
reader subconsciously expects, so it’s usually the most efficient
way to begin the process of creating identification. And again, look how
simple details (more than dialogue) reveal the nature of the character:
his brilliance (the Princeton setting); his analytical mind (the geometric
shapes no one else would notice); his lack of social skills (he gazes
at the window while everyone else mingles). And once again, it foreshadows
what’s to come: he searches for some pattern, some understanding,
his “great idea”, but he’s gazing at glass rather than
into his own, or another’s, heart. This is what he must learn, the
real journey he’ll take in the film.
THE FULL MONTY Screenplay by Simon Beaufoy Distressed black-and-white film stock. Controlled by men in baggy, 1950s overalls and caps, a stream of molten ore is being poured into pig-iron moulds. Sparks fly in the huge rolling mill. A clipped English accent accompanies the pictures. MAN VOICEOVER The newsreel is like narration –
a point of entry into an unfamiliar world (though the tone here is light
and humorous, fitting that of the rest of the film). But this opening
also uses contrast to establish the actual setting of the film. This newsreel
is all about hope and hype for this city. But when the story actually
begins, the town, like the lives of the men it portrays, has turned dirty,
depressed and defeated.
MONSTER'S BALL Screenplay by Milo Addica &
Will Rokos INT. HANK'S BEDROOM
- NIGHT Sweating. Breathing hard. Jumps out of bed and bolts for the bathroom. SOUND of Hank throwing up. ON BEDROOM WALL: MILITARY CARBINE, M-16, mounted above an ITHACA .22. PHOTOS ON DRESSER: -- HANK (age 10) with his father BUCK (age 30) -- Dressed in hunting garb. Standing over a fallen deer, rifles in hand. -- HANK (20's) and BUCK (40's) -- Hank wears a Marine uniform. Buck stands next to him, a proud father. -- HANK (30's) and BUCK (50's) -- Both wear correction officer uniforms. Severe expressions. -- HANK (30's), BUCK (50's) and Hank's son, SONNY (10) - All three dressed in hunting garb. They stand over a fallen deer, rifles in hand. Proud hunters. -- HANK (40's), BUCK (60's), SONNY (20's) --
Bad dreams. Vomit. Guns.
Prison uniforms. Dead animals. Grim faces in old photographs. We know
immediately this is not a happy place, and it’s not going to be a
happy movie. The screenwriter risks jerking us into the scene with little
or no detail, jumping right to the action, and the quick shots of the
photos. But it’s a spare, flat existence that Hank inhabits, so it
fits, even though it makes it harder to get emotionally involved right
away. Like this scene, the whole movie takes risks, and enters a world
that seems anything but entertaining. I would never have expected to like
it as much as I did, given the darkness of it’s subject. But I thought
it was a wonderful story of lost people finding hope, love and redemption,
and one of the best films of 2001. CHINATOWN Screenplay by Robert Towne
Grainy but unmistakably a man and woman making love. Photograph shakes. SOUND of a man MOANING in anguish. The photograph is dropped, REVEALING another, more compromising one. Then another, and another. More moans. CURLY'S VOICE Not much new to say about
one of the great screenplays of all time. But again, notice how effectively
you can draw the reader into your story not by starting big and pulling
in (as with HIGH NOON), but by starting small and pulling back to reveal
more and more of the world you’ve created, as with the picture book
in SHREK, the newsreel in THE FULL MONTY, the photographs in MONSTER’S
BALL and CHINATOWN. And, as always, this very brief passage already points
to many of the underlying elements that will echo through the film: secrecy,
betrayal, sex, sin and surprising revelations. And as we realize the moans
are not coming from the couple, but from the man viewing the photographs,
we begin to see that nothing is what it seems.
SUN VALLEY SERENADE Screenplay by Robert Ellis &
Helen Logan FADE IN The title and credits appear against the snowy panorama of Sun Valley; and the musical accompaniment is a band number…. The last credit DISSOLVES OFF the background of snow (which remains on the screen) and the CAMERA SLOWLY TRUCKS BACK - revealing an ultra smart band in full swing…. The CAMERA, still TRUCKING BACK, now reveals that the snowy panorama is a mural (or backdrop), in the upper left side of which is an artistic map of Sun Valley, with, above it in large type, the words: "SUN VALLEY ENTERPRISE, INC." The CAMERA also discovers a wide window overlooking the skyscrapers of Manhattan. The place, now seen in a LONG SHOT, is an audition room. It is DAY. The CAMERA finally STOPS and PANS at MED. CLOSE SHOT range on two important-looking men (MURRAY AND PHELPS), seated in their chairs and listening to the band. The fun of this scene is in its use of a device that is echoed in TOOTSIE, THE TRUMAN SHOW, and numerous other films: the false backdrop that gives the illusion of a more perfect place. This film was written after war broke out in Europe, and when, outside the theater, this country's involvement in the conflict seemed imminent. I never asked Art Arthur, my mentor and father-in-law, about this, but I think he and the other writers were, in part, saying, “This is just a movie. We know it’s not real life. But if you’re willing to suspend disbelief and sit back and forget your worries for two hours, we’ll take you to Sun Valley.” And therein lies the power of story. |
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©2002
Hilltop Productions
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