Michael Hauge's Writing Misdemeanors
These crimes may not get your screenplay or manuscript rejected, but you should be definitely punished for them... 

#1 JOHN, DON’T DO THIS: In real life, people rarely address each other by name - particularly when they're alone together.  So unless your character is searching for someone, shouting at someone, calling on someone in class, addressing only one person in a group, or being introduced to someone, avoid having your characters address each other by name.  And above all, avoid any temptation to add full-name dialogue to your love story, as in (gag, puke), "I think I love you, Edgar Cuddlebuns."  I know you want your audience to learn the characters' names, but you'll just have to find a more natural, logical way to reveal them.

#2 NO DESCRIPTION: Your job as a screenwriter is to create a movie in the mind of your readers. You must draw us into your story by providing a clear picture of what we'll see on the screen when we watch your film. You can't do that without description! Heading a scene EXT. CHICAGO or INT. APARTMENT and then jumping right into dialogue creates no image at all, and is more of a felony than a misdemeanor. It will definitely kill your chances for a deal. Even action alone doesn't do the job. "She answers the door," or, "She pokes out his eye," may create a picture, but it's so vague and indistinct that the reader will become bored or frustrated. Even if you're a novelist -- I should say especially if you're a novelist -- you must employ succinct, vivid description along with your narration, action and dialogue. We want to imagine your characters, inhabit your settings and be transported into the world you've created. So describe it! 

#3 GOING INCOGNITO: When contacting anyone by email, letter or telephone, remind them who you are! Don't just say, "We spoke at a writers' conference" or, "Here's a copy of the manuscript you requested," or "Hi, it's Bob." Remind them WHAT you spoke about, or tell them your log line, or mention again the person who referred you. And whenever you email someone, give your name and contact information, and include all previous emails beneath your new message. You can set your email program to do this automatically. If you don't, the person you're replying to - who's received a couple hundred emails since your previous exchange - won't know who you are or what you're talking about. So there will go your email and your chances of getting your work read or your question answered - into the trash.

#4 SHOE LEATHER: Avoid scenes whose only function is to get characters from one place to another. Instead of showing your hero finish a phone call, grab his coat, leave his office, walk to the car, get in, drive, get out, walk into the bar and sit down, simply cut from his defeated expression during the phone call, to sitting alone at the bar. Unless something vital and emotional happens on the journey from point A to point B, omit all such "shoe leather" scenes - they're a waste of time, and dissipate the emotion. The same holds true for scenes where the dialogue tells us where the character is going to go, or what they're going to do. Show them there, doing it, and we'll figure out that they must have talked about it earlier.

#5 THIS ONE MAKES ME ROLL MY EYES: Please omit the phrases “rolls his eyes” and “rolls her eyes” from any screenplay or novel you ever write from now until the end of time. It’s a hackneyed expression, good actors wouldn’t be caught dead doing it on screen, and seldom – other than maybe little kids, teenage girls and on reality TV – does anyone actually do this. Find a more original way to convey a character’s disbelief at another character’s behavior or dialogue.

#6 IMPERSONALITY: This week I got an email from a writer who described his story in about eight words, and then said, "Please look at the web site below if you are interested in being my agent or producer of this true to life drama." An email like this is guaranteed NOT to get a manuscript or screenplay read, because 1) the writer hadn't done any research about me, or he would have known that I am neither an agent or a producer; and 2) it was obviously the same email he had blasted out to a hundred other people from some list. When marketing your script or manuscript, you MUST personalize each query letter or email you send, saying exactly why the person or company you're contacting is the perfect one to represent, publish or produce your work.

#7 YOU'LL FEEL ECSTATIC WHEN YOU READ THIS: Your job as a writer is to elicit emotion - not announce it - by revealing to the reader ONLY what the audience will see and hear on the screen. Never talk directly to the reader, and don't tell her how the audience will feel watching your movie. No "asides" to provide factual information or character background (e.g. Jan has been a hired assassin for the last ten years); no telling the reader what a character thinks or feels (e.g. Jan feels very torn about shooting the little boy and his dog), and most of all, no telling the reader what an audience's reaction will be (e.g. The audience will shed tears of joy when Jan rescues the little boy and his dog.).

#8 GRRRRR: Sounds are not dialogue. Words are dialogue. If a character is falling off a cliff, don’t write YEEEEEOOOOOWWWW! Just say (within the action paragraph) that the character lets out a scream as he plunges to his death. The same goes for crowd sounds (HOORAY!) and laughter (HA HA). Speech is speech. The rest is just sound and action.

#9 I FEEL VERY UPSET ABOUT THIS ONE: one of the most frequent criticisms of novel and screenplay dialogue is that it's on the nose. Anything on the nose is too obvious - it's dialogue where characters say exactly what they think and feel and mean. "I'm very angry with you," "I'm afraid of being hurt," and "You are my destiny," are on the nose. Your dialogue should employ subtext - where the true meaning and emotion are hidden under speech that is about something less important. In Alexander Payne and Jim Taylor's screenplay for Sideways, when Miles explains why he likes Pinot Noir, his entire speech is about wine. But the subtext is, "I love you, and I need you to look beneath my external qualities and see who I truly am - to love me and bring out the best in me." But if that had been the actual dialogue, it would have been ridiculously on the nose.

#10 LET’S SIT THIS ONE OUT. One of the most clichéd, hackneyed, and least romantic things you can have your hero and love interest do is to dance together in a situation where no one else is dancing: when music from a party is playing inside a building and they’re outside; in a recording studio as a tune is being played back; on the deck of a cruise ship away from the orchestra. This misdemeanor is elevated to the level of felony if you have them dance in a situation where no music is playing at all, and they have to pretend to hear it.

#11 THIS ONE’S HILARIOUS. No matter what anyone in your screenplay says or does, never describe another character’s response as laughing hysterically, in stitches, or otherwise screaming, howling, hooting, roaring, guffawing, splitting their sides, or on the floor with laughter. Whatever you wrote is most likely not that funny. And though I know you want your reader and audience to laugh at your humor, reading about characters laughing is boring and uninvolving.

#12 HOW ABOUT A ROLL IN THE HAY? In your romantic comedy, don’t have the hero and romance character jump into bed right away, just because you want something sexy to move the story along. They have to earn the opportunity to make love by becoming vulnerable in some way. They must let their guard down with each other, and experience real emotional intimacy before the physical intimacy. In the very few successful romantic comedies where the couple has sex before the midpoint (e.g. Knocked Up, What Happens in Vegas, Pretty Woman), it becomes a source of conflict that later stands in the way of their having a truly loving relationship.

#13 TEN’S A CROWD. Have you ever been the last to arrive at a dinner party, and the host introduces you, one at a time, to everyone there? So how many of their names are you able to remember? It’s the same way when you introduce characters in a cluster and you list their names one after another. The reader will have an impossible time keeping all your characters straight for the rest of your screenplay or novel. If you simply must introduce more than one character in a scene, give each character his own paragraph and dialogue, so he is clearly established before you move on to the next new character. And if your hero is introduced as part of a group, ALWAYS introduce him first.